"Take Her to the Zoo"

Yesterday, in a speech to the AFL-CIO, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton endeared herself to the citizens of Philadelphia by comparing herself to Philly's Phavorite Phictional Phrized Phighter, Rocky Balboa:

"Sen. Obama says he's getting tired of the campaign. His supporters say they want it to end," she said.

"Could you imagine if Rocky Balboa had gotten halfway up those art museum stairs and said, 'Well, I guess that's about far enough?' That's not the way it works," Clinton said, referring to a famous scene in the first Rocky movie.

"Let me tell you something. When it comes to finishing the fight, Rocky and I have a lot in common. I never quit," she said.

Thunderous applause ensued.

One thing, Senator Clinton: Rocky Balboa lost that fight.

Thunderous fingers pulling at collars making the "Gnahunngh!" sound ensued.

You'd think they'd fact check these things after Sniper-gate.

But we get what she is going for; she is trying to relate to the working class voters of Pennsylvania who didn't see the end of the first Rocky movie. Nothing wrong with that. But as our Uncle Johnny Cochran once said: "If you are going to relate, you better get your analogies straight."

It turns out the Rocky analogy was not the first one they considered. Phillyist got its hands on some other Philly-themed topics that Senator Clinton's staff considered for yesterday's speech. Here they are in all of their rejected, inappropriate glory:

Chestnut Street—"I am like your Chestnut Street in the '70s, a beacon of opportunity that will be a successful endeavor for years to come."

The 1993 Philadelphia Phillies—"I know I can win this thing, I am going to take that mound like Mitch 'Wild Thing' Williams in Game 6 of the World Series and I am going to strike out Barack 'Joe Carter' Obama!"

The 2006 Philadelphia Eagles—"You know, the 2006 Eagles and I have a lot in common: we both entered this thing as strong contenders, we played extremely well early on and like that team of yesteryear, I am going to come back in the fourth quarter and show you who has the better gameplan!"

Mummers on Market Street—"Can you imagine if the Mummers had followed the logic and opinion of everyone around them and stayed on Broad Street? Market Street is where it was at, that is where I am at, and come April 22nd that is where we will all be at!"

Philadelphia—"Let me tell you something: when it comes to dying a slow, sad, painful death, Tom Hanks' character in the movie Philadelphia and I have a lot in common…"

The Super Ducks—"Some people say there is no place for me in this campaign anymore, that I am unnecessary, that I can't surpass Senator Obama. Can you imagine if the owners of the Super Ducks believed that there was no place for them in Philadelphia?"

M.O.V.E.—"People think I can't decimate a black man. Kaboom!"

Or she could have just said Rocky 2. He wins in that one.

Image Credit: Flickr user iirraa